Eclectic Oatmeal

A teacher letter

Posted in Uncategorized by Bryan on May 23, 2010

The Other Boot Drops
(AKA: Bryan’s hopefully hilarious thank you note to Mrs. Sawan)
By:Bryan Melhuish

She sits in her van, awaiting for the bell to ring so the precious innocents file out of their school and she could siphon their youth and innocence into her own soul, and continue her reign of immortality.
It was a close call earlier that day, too close. She was writing a synopsis on the board went she felt a “Pop!” arise from her hand, when her chocolatey brown, almond eyes shifted to what occurred, she noticed a liver spot. The time was running out, the harvest needed to happen.
“When are these children going to come out, I don’t have all day.” She muttered to herself while instinctively grabbing a pile of Latin tests. Running through them with the utmost time and care with her trusty red pen. She was tender and caring to all children, even the ones she harvested.
The bell rang, the ceremony was about to begin. The children filed out of their school, “If only they knew how precious they are… If only they knew how precious their blood is to me…” She thought to herself, tests already graded. It once struck her that all of the wonderful students she loved so dearly could’ve been victims in her web of sacrifices. She quit that instant, forgoing her ritual in favor of Yoga and Healthy eating; These things could only do so much, and Yoga wasn’t popular in the 1600’s. If she wanted to live forever, she needed to feast.
The schoolyard was barren, a lone girl stood in the courtyard of the school. The woman made her approach, “Is anyone picking you up today?”
“My mother told me not to talk to strangers.” The girl was off guard, this stranger was practically asking the girl to jump in her van, yet her natural instincts failed her: The serene smile of the stranger, the kind eyes, and the faint smell of Tea allured her.
“Well, I’m a teacher, I work for Medina High School.” She flashed her card, and the little girl saw a beaming educator and name, “Mrs. Sawan.”
“Oh… In that case!” The stranger knew she had her quarry hook, lined and sinkered. They walked back with small chit chat, The stranger’s breezily kind voice and proper diction wrapped around the girl like a warm hug. They entered the educator’s call, NPR floated into the girl’s ears.
“Put on your seat belt!” The stranger chimed, her blood is useless if isn’t in Zeus’ name. The girl did as she’s told, and clips her seat belt with a smile. The woman smiles back.
The pair drive for a while, the quarry doesn’t even tell the hunter where she lived. Something in her voice knew that wherever the two ended up, it would be a nice place. They drive into a log cabin overlooking a tranquil meadow. The wind-chimes clinked in the wind, and the almost mosaic sidewalk winded into the front door. The little girl was enchanted, it was a fairy tale of a house. She knew deep down in her heart that she was going to be adopted by this altruistic woman. The hunter thought, after their 40 minute or so conversation, that this girl would be an excellent student, and almost considered letting her go. She shrugged this off, would any of the Emperors she taught about give up just because it was the “right thing”. Her duty was to her students, not to this girl.
The hunter did have a great bedside manner, that’s for sure. All the other endless would torture their prey before the bloodletting, The hunter’s heart was too large for this. She made sure that each of them had the best night of their lives. The Quarry was fed magnificent pasta and cookies. She was allowed to jump on the bed, run with the dogs, and hang off of the ceiling fan. When the girl was asleep (After she took the drugged tea) The hunter would know what she had to do, she carried the girl down to the basement.
The sleeping child and the woman entered a dark room, the woman clicked on the light. The roomed was adorned with statues of Zeus, standing in every which direction staring towards the middle. A red circle was drawn, and she placed the girl in the middle. The sleeping child was drugged so heavily, that she would die in her sleep.
The woman picked up the sacrificial dagger, and did the deed.

The next day the hunter returned back to her normal life, she drove to the school with no plans of siphoning life out of anyone. No, no, the woman now took everyone under her tutelage with a smile. She was beaming, a glow radiated from her that only the heavens could provide. Her marvelous energy, her infinite knowledge, her boundless patience: It showed all the signs of a demi-god. Everyone just accepted this as the perfect woman. But one boy knew different. One boy who watched enough Buffy the Vampire Slayer and read enough Browning poems to know this one fact: The other boot has to drop. No one can be this dedicated to their students, no one. There is a dark-side to this woman, he couldn’t put his finger on it. The teacher sensed this in her pupil, and wasn’t afraid. She covered her tracks ever too perfectly, and besides, even if he did find out, he’d be against someone who had endless amounts of years of experience and knowledge, she defeated nosy twerps like him before.
She had every right to not be worried: but in all the wrong ways. He shrugged his shoulders, “Why would he ever want to change one of his favorite teachers?”

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Posted in Uncategorized by Bryan on May 18, 2009

I love it when paper is warm from the printer.
I hold it to my breast,
like a cat
or clean sheets.
It’s the only warmth
I’ll probably ever receive.

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Posted in Uncategorized by Bryan on March 17, 2009

Target Vs. Wal-Mart, No Contest in the Recession
Wal-mart, the behemoth of the 20th century, the meteor of the dinosaurs, which are now small businesses. They are now planning to make one more company extinct, Target. In a time of recession, Target is struggling. The chain store used to specialize on on non-consumables, and focused on selling trendy clothes and forward thinking furniture. In this generation though, people aren’t yearning for niche, floral printed garbage cans, they are willing to spend less money on an ugly, Winnie the Poo felt blanket.
All across the boards, people have been spending more on nessecities than luxuries, a huge blow to Target’s market. In retaliation to this trend, they started opening grocery aisles. This attempt at a comeback didn’t work though, Wal-Mart dedicates more of its store to food, and at a cheaper price. Even if Target tried to move it’s prices down, Wal-mart will follow suit and drop their prices even lower. Also, people just see Target as being overly expensive. A store that used to focus on 35$ graphic tees switching to food items? The public bets that they are over-kitsched, and over priced food labels manufactured to appeal to the hipster wannabes who shop at Target.
Target is falling into a large abyss that failed Bush policies created for them.

Posted in Uncategorized by Bryan on March 8, 2009

ice-creem

Posted in Uncategorized by Bryan on March 6, 2009

moo-mooz

Comic

Posted in Uncategorized by Bryan on March 3, 2009

Making a new comic guys! Just hold in there.

Wonder Woman, Lasso Full of Lame

Posted in Uncategorized by Bryan on February 26, 2009

Wonder Woman: A Lasso Full of Lame
See that raven haired, red boot wearing, lasso toting female over there, with the cool super heroes? Stop looking at her, you’ll be thoroughly disappointed. Beneath her blue, star spangled leotards you’ll see a soul full of disappointment and a comic writer’s favorite sexual fantasies.
She has the laundry list of DC powers, flying and super strength., Which is really all one needs to have to be a crime fighter, yet she still fails in being cool due to her gadgets. Every girl likes to accessorize, and Wonder Woman is no exception. But unlike Batman’s ultra cool batterangs or Green Lantern’s all mighty ring, Wonder Woman went to Good Will to get her fighting supplements. Her lasso of truth, which is an obvious throwback to William Moulton Marston’s S&M fetishes. She wrangles up opponents, ties them up, and they are compelled to tell their faux Leather Mama their deepest secrets. Her next item of stupidity is her bullet deflecting arm bands. These would be cool to unknowing eyes, but if you examine Marston’s personal life you’ll find some revealing things. One of his two lovers always wore silver bracelets, much like Wonder Woman. I don’t know how he decided they would deflect bullets, but knowing about the Magic Lasso, I don’t want to know. The last thing on the list is probably the worst thing in comic book history. An invisible plane. An invisible plane that you can see Wonder Woman, sitting in the cockpit like an idiot. It’s like she’s playing air guitar except with planes. Even worse, she can fly on her own. These useless tools of superhero trade should be traded in for better powers, or at least a better kryptonite. Her weakness is being tied up, which makes her powerless. Again with the SM references!
Another thing that makes Wonder Woman the worst comic character ever, is her main villain, Cheetah. Cheetah is a socialite with a split personality disorder, who is angered at Wonder Woman, whom trumped her at a charity event. Even worse, Wonder Woman has problems defeating this novae rich princess. Superman could defeat Cheetah in a heartbeat, but for some reason Wonder Woman has issues defeating this loser in leopard print pajamas.
Wonder Woman will be known forever as the lamest super heroine to fly the face of the earth.

In this essay, I divided up different reasons as to why Wonder Woman is the worst super hero ever thought of. I pointed out how the author uses his own creepy fetishes to create powers and situations for Wonder Woman to overcome, and insulting women while doing so. Feminists laud Wonder Woman, but if they read between the lines they’d be appalled at her gross promiscuity.

Posted in Uncategorized by Bryan on February 15, 2009
A comic, with a fight scene.

A comic, with a fight scene.

As you can see, I rushed the last panel. I wish that manga debut can save into different file types instead of shitty-ass jpegs. Crap, I forgot to take out the sketch lines. Oh well, an update is an update.

Rough draft

Posted in Uncategorized by Bryan on February 11, 2009
NOT FINAL

NOT FINAL

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Hello world!

Posted in Uncategorized by Bryan on February 10, 2009

Welcome to WordPress.com. This is your first post. Edit or delete it and start blogging!