Eclectic Oatmeal

Direct to Helmet.

Posted in Chelsea, DnD, Emo, Play, Quade, Quel' Tor, Shi Tzu by Bryan on November 18, 2008

Dear fellow soviets, I am bored and lazy. Oddly, lazy enough to start writing (typing) a play. Much fun and imagination will flow out of that process like sweet syrup from a maple tree. It basically consists of me thinking of the weirdest names, trying to come up with a floor plan, and not wanting to sound too pushy with my descriptions of how the actors are supposed to act. Even though I know that this wont be performed in any large audiences, seeing as its a play about of group of people playing dungeons and dragons. A man can dream though, and this man dreams of reading something to his Creative Writing class without wanting to roll around in a puddle or a stormdrain. Jolly me and my stormdrain shannigans, I almost got kicked out by an aqua-rat tenant, Quel’ Tor! (Quel’ Tor shares his little aquatic mammal shanty with Shi Tzu, the illustrius pearl thief who fled to the sewers to hid from the Persian Police. She is a dog, so she is the brawn of the operation. I dont believe Quel’ Tor knows about her sordid past though, if he did, she’d probably rip out his veins with her sharp canine teeth. That or pee on newspaper.)

Speaking of things that flowed, my tears flew out of my eye flaps in Language Arts on Thursday. After that emopost, I went to my LA class. Inwhich I missplaced crucial documents in the theater room. My self esteem already beaten to a pulp by my own psyche, I start quietly sobbing. As Chelsea stares down at me with lecherous, vengeful eyes (She cut her bangs in mourning due to her failed attempt at being a makeout friend to a guy. She also failed at cutting her bangs, she tried a diagonal cut. Not natural cut, god, I need to draw you a picture of that later.) Mr.Quade (In shock of my outragous display of humanity) stared at me and continued checking off his “People Who Deserve to be in Honors LA List.” I huddle my head down and silently sniffled. My class gave me the dignity to just ignore me in my pile of filth, and I thank them for that. If it was a class I wasnt trying to impress with my “suaveness” I would have wailed out loud like widows from Sicily


Magic Hair

Posted in Abi, DnD, Hair, Julia, L.E.A.I.G, Laurel, Renee, Sara by Bryan on July 23, 2008

This all started sunday. Abi and Laurel come over to snip my luscious locks off, while watching the first season episodes of Charmed. Thats when I got lucky hair. Its like Abi’s scissors are made of gold and they snipped away the bad karma I amassed in my past lives. My hideously long and mullet prone Shag haircut is now gone, replaced by a more modern Fade with a kick of spice! First stroke of good luck? Great deal at K-mart. Sure, K-mart is the armpit of the super-market industry, yet you can’t argue with the major deal of a five dollar indie-styled, faux layered (they have long sleeves under a button up tee) shirt, and plaid beachcombers to boot. Then, I saw the League of Incredibly Attractive Indie Guys, not once, but twice! First time walking through uptown, past starbucks (the oasis of the dry county I live in) then, near the square, which is older then the rest of the township.
No lies, No four leafed clover, No rabbit’s foot, this is all in the hair.
In other news, Dungeons and Dragons tommorow. I’m preparing comebacks for my ultra douchie dungeonmates. Sara, Renee, and Julia. Sara is the usually cool DM, but last game I saw a relative favor over the fairer adventurers. She knocked my character out, and then right after, gave all the hard earned loot, that I earned. Story is, our group went into the Drow dungeons to destroy the Drow King (I dont know if this is adherent to Forgotten Realms lore, but we dont care). Well, here Renee (Half Fae Druid who likes to make me feel stupid for sparknoting Huckleberry Finn) and I (Gnome Bard) were accompanied by 4-6 no name npc and loads of Drows. I grab fire beads that I earned earlier (On a one on one battle with a Giant Zombie) and flung them toward the Drow, annihilating all of them except one, the King. The round plays out with Renee attacking the king, but failing miserably seeing as she wasted two levels in Half-Fae. I use another bead, and the king is kaplooey. Anyway, we were returning to the quest giver, who fancied Julia (Changling Psionic Warrior, who is generally a dimwitted person) for reminding him of his granddaughter. First though, He knocked me out. I repeated, “Give me the treasure” rapidly, since Sara wasnt even registering the fact that my character was doing anything. So, the Grandpa waltzes upstairs to give all the loot to Julia. Which, just my luck, was stuff that her character wouldnt even use, and stuff my Bard naturally was good at. Joy. I still get a slice of the cake, I get elven chango candy. It changes me into an Elf. Now, my gnome has been blue balling life, since gnomes arent the most attractive of the races. So, naturally, Julia and I get our wild thing on.
Pretty much that happened, and the rest of the game was us going on a wild goose chase on a quest Sara made up. Of course, my opinions being ignored, and quest items being kept from me because it was fun for them. New girl and DnD Vet Ganna is coming in. She totally has my back. My plan? Warn them how I feel, and if they continue, I’ll blow that up with the remaining firebeads I own. Then leave the group permantly.