Eclectic Oatmeal

Five types of Chicken.

Posted in Brooke, graduation party, Laura, Shannon by Bryan on June 15, 2008

I made another blogger, I know. How many blogger titles can a guy make without throwing down the pitchfork and screaming, enough is enough! I’ve been through a botched comic career, a 5 person blog that never took off (due to the fact that no one posted my introduction and that no one told me that we were launching it). I’m a guy of habit, I always come scrounging back to the xanga. Well folks, I already put thirty minutes of hard work and effort into creating this little blissful blog, and by darnit I’m keeping the thing! You may ask why I force my friends to dredge away from their slums in xangaville, and heres one thing. Blogger just seems more proffessional, its like instead of going to the local library to type up your sleazy romance novel, you’d go at home and buy a typewriter that clicks and clacks and does that “Ka-ching!” when you push back the typer. Blogger just does that, except for online journals. It gives me this sudden air of inspiration and “Its all on the line” that xanga doesnt give me. Xanga also doesnt give me a nifty url!
Many of you who might be reading this now, are my friends. So, I dont have to do a formal introduction. If many, if any, of you dont know me, hopefully you will in the upcoming months. So, I’m just going to dive headfirst into my world, and hopefully give a slight biography on people I mention in this blog. To keep folks up to date on the strange history of Bryan.
Today, I went to a graduation party of Shannon. I, a soon to be junior, would usually not have any senior friends due to my lack of clubs and lack of charisma, but I have a sister. Brooke, whom I really dislike and whom has a habit of going bonkers (like, Crazy stalker bonkers). Brooke and Shannon arent friends anymore, due to this crazy stalker persona. They were friends all middle school and highschool, until Brooke called Bob Evans (the place of Shannon’s work). See, Shannon is a conesseuir of marijuana. Brooke, didnt approve of it (though she does approve of abusing Nyquil and antidepressants) and called up the job. Stating that “She and coworkers smoked pot by the garbage dump can and that her manager sold her atteroll.” Shannon, narrowly escaped this trap and basically sent Brooke to the negaverse in her myspace top eight. I though hung out with Brooke’s friends before this incident, and this ruined my chances of getting a job at Bob Evans. So we were basically bonded for life.
Anyway, I was running late to this party, and I was freaking out. I ran out of underwear (the norm) and had to get a ride. I asked my brother to give me a ride, but he complained that his whole body was in pain and he was pissed he had to go to work. I asked him to take me an hour earlier, thanks bro, real pal. So, out of desperation, I asked my sister. She didnt even seem like she realized that she was driving me to the girl she betrayed’s house. The drive there was silent, yet not awkward. I was worried that she’d drive into a lake or fire hydrant. I arrived, first friend to be there, and chowed down on the five types of chicken. I didnt even know there could be five types of chicken in one place, like it would be bending some kind of ancient, magical rule. Nothing bad happened though, its like Shannon’s family was well read in the Archeological tomes of chicken summoning. Still though, I warily eat the voodoo chickens. I stuck with the pasta salad, which was, in graduation food terms, a novice’s dish. Shannon, being the girl of the day, awkwardly said, “Hello, I dont remember you!” to all of the family members she hasnt seen in year. While she did this, and then swam (Which I dont really enjoy due to my horrendous bacne.) sat by a large woman named Laura. Laura smoked shitloads of cigarettes, Virginia Slims. Which blew right into my face, she was very polite about it though. And we shuffled, the wind decided to blow in my face the smoke. Maybe some punishment for eating the chicken? I chilled with her and discussed random topics, with plenty of awkward silences. By the end of the day though, it acted like we always knew each other. Like sitting on the deck watching people swim bonded us. She was a funny woman, who didnt mind swearing. I didnt like the fact that she was a tad rascist (had to mention that the kids in atlanta who stabbed her kid with a fork were black.) But that is just a minor quibble, and maybe blown out of proportion. Anyway, back to the point of how quickly we came into this whole friendship momentum inwhich we were old pals. I’m usually awkward around adults!Also, she said I was adorable. Which made me feel peachy keen and delighted. Which could’ve made me warm up to her a little bit.
Eventually I left my newfound confidant and went for a swim. Bacne and hairy nipples exposed. Though, I wasnt the most vulnerable. One girl, Jaclyn, wore a t-shirt and shorts. The water stuck to her gianormous pornstar breasts (Which was her only winning feature, since the rest of her looked like a troglodyte). Full nipple exposure. So, that comforted me enough to take a dip. Albeit for a second. Also, I’m the worst corn-holer in the world.

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