Eclectic Oatmeal

Wonder Woman, Lasso Full of Lame

Posted in Uncategorized by Bryan on February 26, 2009

Wonder Woman: A Lasso Full of Lame
See that raven haired, red boot wearing, lasso toting female over there, with the cool super heroes? Stop looking at her, you’ll be thoroughly disappointed. Beneath her blue, star spangled leotards you’ll see a soul full of disappointment and a comic writer’s favorite sexual fantasies.
She has the laundry list of DC powers, flying and super strength., Which is really all one needs to have to be a crime fighter, yet she still fails in being cool due to her gadgets. Every girl likes to accessorize, and Wonder Woman is no exception. But unlike Batman’s ultra cool batterangs or Green Lantern’s all mighty ring, Wonder Woman went to Good Will to get her fighting supplements. Her lasso of truth, which is an obvious throwback to William Moulton Marston’s S&M fetishes. She wrangles up opponents, ties them up, and they are compelled to tell their faux Leather Mama their deepest secrets. Her next item of stupidity is her bullet deflecting arm bands. These would be cool to unknowing eyes, but if you examine Marston’s personal life you’ll find some revealing things. One of his two lovers always wore silver bracelets, much like Wonder Woman. I don’t know how he decided they would deflect bullets, but knowing about the Magic Lasso, I don’t want to know. The last thing on the list is probably the worst thing in comic book history. An invisible plane. An invisible plane that you can see Wonder Woman, sitting in the cockpit like an idiot. It’s like she’s playing air guitar except with planes. Even worse, she can fly on her own. These useless tools of superhero trade should be traded in for better powers, or at least a better kryptonite. Her weakness is being tied up, which makes her powerless. Again with the SM references!
Another thing that makes Wonder Woman the worst comic character ever, is her main villain, Cheetah. Cheetah is a socialite with a split personality disorder, who is angered at Wonder Woman, whom trumped her at a charity event. Even worse, Wonder Woman has problems defeating this novae rich princess. Superman could defeat Cheetah in a heartbeat, but for some reason Wonder Woman has issues defeating this loser in leopard print pajamas.
Wonder Woman will be known forever as the lamest super heroine to fly the face of the earth.

In this essay, I divided up different reasons as to why Wonder Woman is the worst super hero ever thought of. I pointed out how the author uses his own creepy fetishes to create powers and situations for Wonder Woman to overcome, and insulting women while doing so. Feminists laud Wonder Woman, but if they read between the lines they’d be appalled at her gross promiscuity.

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